Ridiculously clad and astoundingly predictable, Goths are unrivalled in their ability to be breathtakingly annoying, writes Miss C Lanious.

Let’s start with their goal of being different from the mainstream and refusing to follow the herd. Perfectly executed, you might think – by all dressing exactly the same, but this time limited to just one colour to stamp out any hope of personal expression or creativity.

And yes, so black signifies the futility of life and hope. I personally don’t need to use my clothes to signify how wounded and special I am, but who am I to judge. After all, wearing panda eyeliner and a Dracula cape is such a poignant reaction to butterflies getting stamped on and puppies dying. Very deep. Much more of a statement than joining the RSPCA.

And god forbid anyone should be any different from them, or have their own opinions – if you ever want to know what it’s truly like to be a misunderstood misfit; to stand alone, try walking past a group of Goths while dressed in something pink. In fact, I don’t think many people would disagree with me when I say that Goths are the most judgemental and un-accepting social group ever.

Most people deal with their anguished adolescent phase as rapidly as possible simply to avoid embarrassment in later years and to spare other people from having to listen to their musings, but have you ever noticed how many Goths there are in their mid-twenties? Come on guys, grow up. But Goths enjoy their torturedness way too much for that, and whatever you do, don’t befriend one - if you don’t flee quickly they’ll probably start reading you their poetry.

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