Texas Beat offers his opinion on the Black Eyed Peas. If you are a fan, look away now!

“Where is the Love?” sang this bunch of over-grown school kids when they forced their own unique blend of ‘rap’ onto an unwanting world back in 2004. And since then, I think Fergie, Will.I.Am, et all, have been asking themselves the same question every since.

Needless to say, the Black Eyed Peas are bad, and I don’t mean bad in the same way Ol’ Dirty Bastard Bad and Dr Dre are bad, I mean their music is bad: lame, rubbish, awful – that sort of bad!

Lets look at the evidence: not content with taking over the world with their music, faux-hardman postures to the camera, and soulless, monosyllabic drivel-rap, all to the accompaniment of Fergie’s improbable gyrating hips, one of this ‘bands’ recent crimes was to work with legendary Brazilian jazz-funk artist Sergio Mendes (why, Sergio, why?) to destroy his great hit Mas Que Nada.

Other songs I can no longer enjoy thanks to the BEP is Dick Dale’s super-surf guitar anthem Miserlou, as-featured-on Pulp Fiction. What really annoys me about this is the fact that good old Quentin T took this song and gave it exposure to a world wide audience, only for the 'Peas' to steal it for their own use in an attempt to have some of his cool dust brush off on them! Boo rubbish, I say!

But perhaps if anything smacks of the Peas desire to be cool the most it is in their choice of song and album titles. Their ‘breakthrough’ album of 2004 was called Elephunk. Why? Why? Why? Elephunk is the type of album title you’d choose when you were twelve years old - when you found words like ‘prat’ and ‘pubes’ amusing. Elephunk! Fuck off!

This assault on English was swiftly followed by the ever-so-creative title Don’t Phunk with My Heart. Now, if I spent my days trying to look ‘cool’ would you really use the word phunk?

Which brings me on to the member of the band I think may be responsible for all this idiocy with names – lead ‘singer’ Will.I.Am. Yep, that’s right. That is how he spells and pronounces his name. Wow, who would have thought that the name William when broken down gives you three separate words? Again, ask any 12 year old! Again I ask: why? Why? Why?

And now the Black Eyed Peas are branching out! Now Fergie is attempt solo stardom with her grime-lite musings such as London Bridge (which, incidentally, the video of which has her performing with Tower Bridge, not London Bridge, in the background).

So in conclusion then, this is one god awful band with the creative edge of a mentally retarded hamster, only with less charisma. To cut a phrase from one of their most popular hits, I wish the entire band would Shut Up. Please.

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