Jayne Middlemiss interviewed David Gest on plastic surgery, Chinese girls with herpes and licking Amy Winehouse’s toes.

On Amy Winehouse:

I love that beehive she wears, I love her tattoos, I’d lick her toes! I’m in love with Amy Winehouse, I’d like to lick the inside of her hair… You’d probably find KFC stuck in it! She is absolutely the cat’s miaow! I’d even lick that tooth that’s missing by sticking my tongue in between the gap and everyone knows I’ve got a good tongue.

On his image and cosmetic procedures:

I was one big fat f**k, with those man boobs. That’s all old news. I’ve never been as happy as now and I did plastic surgery in 1981 or so. Michael Jackson went through it. I was unhappy and I thought if I looked good… It’s like Liza, I wish her well but we had our differences, not a great marriage, it’s over. You put the past behind you and you go to the positive. The positive is, there are so many good things happening now, a great tour, I’m really excited about this tour coming up, I’ve got a great band. I’m finishing my own series and I’m starting a new series after this and I’m working with some great people, I’m really really happy.

On Milandra Burrows:

Jayne: Do you see this getting serious with Milandra? Do you see yourself getting married?
David: More than long-term… Absolutely.
J: Do you think you’d like to have kids in the future?
D: I hope, so but I’d better do it quick. If I’m going to be 54 next week that means I’m going to be 74 when they are 20! And I’ll be dead by the time they have their kids.
J: Would you have them with Milandra?
D: No with a Chinese girl with herpes that I found down the street! What a question!
J: How has Milandra changed your life?
D: She can cook roast chicken. That skin is so crispy and juicy inside!

On Matt Willis and Liam Gallagher

J: Is it true you’re going to be best man at Matt Willis’ wedding?
D: Yes, Matt’s my little bud, and he’s marrying a wonderful girl, they’re going to be a great couple. He’s a great talent. I love his music, his solo stuff. He’s got a big career ahead of him! My best friends here are Matt Willis and James Bourne who were both in Busted, and then a lot of cool musicians like Liam Gallagher who watches Grease every week. I was having drinks the other night, it was with Holly Willoby, Martine McCutcheon and Liam’s wife… Nicole Appleton drinking at the Met bar, name drop!! And she told me they want to play Sandy and Danny and I want to get them in to do it, could you see it!

On Simon Cowell

J: You said you had a phone call from Simon Cowell, why?
D: He said I saw you in the jungle and I became a fan, you weren’t what I expected…. I’d read these things but now I think you’re incredible and I think we could be friends and would you join me for tea? So he and two friends got together and they offered me two shows. I was already doing This Is David Gest – the documentary series. I said I’d do Grease is the Word but not Britain’s Got Talent because I was already working 7 days, so he found a new series for me recently. He likes what I do, he likes my comedy, he’s so supportive, such a great guy, I really like him.

On growing up and music

D:My real name wasn’t David but Hoppy and they changed it, that’s true.
J: So you started earning money at 7, what were you doing?
D: Music has always been my life, I have a record collection of about 20,000 LPs and 40-45,000 CDs. I love music and I love every type of music from Rock n Roll and heavy metal to RnB to country and western to Chinese marches for girls who have herpes which is not real collectable… Yeah I do a lot for Chinese girls with herpes, right now though, so many people since I’ve been in the jungle have helped Chinese girls with herpes, who I go on tour with, I go on tour September 19th starting in Europe and it’s the David Gest Show, it’s called ‘David Unzipped and X-Rated’, wonder why!? And it’s with the Chinese girls with herpes. [Confused? Visit www.chinesegirlswithherpes.org]

On his career

J: So how did you get your first job in music?
D: I’ll never forget this. There was this chick in the classical department, she was a f**king nutcase, she always had her nose up in the air and she’d never look whenever I said ‘hello baby.’ She had these huge tits. One day I had a hot sup of coffee and I ran into her and it spilled all over her breasts and she was burned. She never spoke to me again. They rushed her to the hospital.

You can catch the rest of the interview on the Orange Playlist, this 2nd August.